Overcoming our demons at work

Lessons on managing our self limiting mind.

I remember where I was sitting. I was about 9 years old, sitting in the desk at the front of the class, looking down at a piece of writing, recently returned to me by my teacher. Covered in red ink circles. I was devastated. How could I have gotten this so wrong?

Of course I don’t remember what I actually thought that day, it’s a long long time ago. But the legacy of that day has stayed with me. My child brain made a story that said ‘Jean, you are clearly no good at writing. Time to focus on other things.’

For the rest of my schooling I did just that, I focused on science and maths (still a surprise for people when they learn this about me). I didn’t apply myself in English classes and ended up in the bottom class, struggling with Shakespeare and wishing I could be back with maths - where at least things were either right or wrong. 

That’s the headline - and yet there was another reality. 

I am a voracious reader, even on a couple of years reading the entire Booker Prize Longlist in the time between the list being announced and the prize award. I picked the winner both times. 

And I have journaled, and wrote and journaled and wrote. I have boxes and piles of writing. I have computer files and scrivener documents. I have writing everywhere. 

Despite all this, the story I held was ‘Jean, you are no good at writing - so keep it to yourself.’

Sure, I wrote board reports which were well received, long letters to my Mum. But nothing that could be evaluated, that was about me, that was from me. 

My story started to unravel when I got a distinction for my master dissertation and there was talk of me publishing it. I freaked out. Not me. I can’t do that. And so I left it. 

Except the idea didn’t leave me. The seed was sown. Maybe I could be an okay writer. Maybe, maybe. 

In my work, I coach people, helping them overcome the obstacles getting in the way of them being happy and successful at work.

I began to see that this could be an area of my own working life for healing and recovery. An area to focus on and see what would emerge. 

One of the most helpful tools in overcoming our mindset blocks, in challenging the stories our minds are telling us is ACT - Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. Think CBT (cognitive behaviour therapy), mindfulness and lots of practical tools and you get it. Developed by Steve Hayes and underpinned by peer reviewed studies, it is the most helpful way I have found for working with my problematic mind. Coaching clients also love it. 

I decided to take an ACT approach to my problematic mindset about my writing. I started by seeing that is was just a story that my mind held and that I could reframe it. It was probably outdated, and maybe even when I was 9 it wasn’t true.  I could notice it, name it and let it go.

I worked and worked on it. When I sat down  to write (or even writing this) when my old demon appears I become aware that my mind is causing havoc. And just notice that it’s only telling me something that may or may not be true. I say to my mind, I see you, I notice you, today I’m going to write regardless. 

There’s a simple ACT exercise which has really helped.

In 3 stages you write down:

1. The thought itself - ‘I’m no good at writing’

2 An awareness of the thought - ‘I’m having the thought that I’m no good at writing’

3 A separation from the thought - ‘I notice that I’m having the thought, that I’m no good at writing’

(Russ Harris, The Happiness Trap)

As I worked on my mind, I began to write more. Blogs for our website, newsletters. I formed ideas for books, crafted them and put them down. I shared more and slowly felt more confident. LinkedIn, Instagram, slowly showing my writing to the world. 

And here I am, boldly sharing my writing on a site for writers. 

Most, if not all of us, have areas in our working lives we struggle with or believe we are no good at. The stories we learn as children and adults, through experiences and failures, hold us back. Ideas that we can’t speak in public, or are no good at maths or can’t learn a language, or won’t be a good leader. You name it, we hold limiting stories about it. In my coaching I hear people saying ‘I’m not confident enough’ or ‘I don’t have enough experience’, or ‘there’s always someone more qualified.’ 

Often our limiting stories are getting in the way of something we feel we strongly want to do, to create, or someone we want to be. It is our own limits holding us back. 

Most often, these are just thoughts and stories that we hold about ourselves. Our problem is that we believe them, as I believed my story that I was no good at writing.  We listen to our mind, imagining that everything it tells us is true. 

This doesn’t have to be how it is. There is good news. 

I believe we have a choice. We can be limited by our stories, or we can choose to build a different relationship to them. We can become aware of the stories, and then gently let them go. We can notice and name them. Ask them politely to be quiet. 

I often ask mine to sit in the corner while I am writing. 

In my experience, the shift doesn’t happen overnight - it requires a commitment to change. And, if we commit to working on our story, then change really is possible, if not inevitable.

Slowly the limiting voices become quieter and are replaced by focus and determination to do the work which we are drawn to do. 

What has it meant for me? In reality, I can’t not write. Even with that limiting story I am always writing - so I might as well have a different relationship to it and get on with writing and sharing it. Coming out from behind the shadows. 

If you are keen to work on a limiting story that is affecting you at work, I highly recommend the book - The Happiness Trap - Russ Harris (2^nd edition). It is packed full of tools and approaches for helping us live differently with our problematic minds. My clients love it. In fact I sometimes think they love that book more than the coaching with me. 

In an early episode of my podcast I share ideas on how we can Overcome Negative Thinking and Self Doubt at work. 

You can listen on 

Spotify :

If you are interested in working with me as a coach, you can contact me via our website -

https://baileybalfour.com/